The Tinsel Tangle and Rituals of Connection: What Christmas Can Teach Us About Strengthening Our Relationships

Untangling The Tinsel Tango Together

As the year edges toward Christmas, many of us find ourselves pulled between excitement, stress, nostalgia, and the weight of “so much to do.”   For many, the holidays can bring joy and connection - but possibly also financial pressure, disrupted routines, school holiday stress, family tension, loneliness, or the ache of missing loved ones who are overseas or no longer here.

In the middle of all of this, it’s easy for our intimate relationships to slip into the background. Not intentionally - life just gets noisy. But it’s during these exact high-pressure seasons that we need our relationships the most. And this is where rituals of connection become powerful.

This approach is based on the work of Drs. John and Julie Gottman, whose decades of research highlight how intentional, predictable moments of connection protect and strengthen relationships. As a therapist trained to Gottman Level 2, I support couples in applying these practices in ways that fit their real lives, personalities, cultures, and family realities.

What Are Rituals of Connection?

Rituals of connection are small, intentional moments of togetherness we plan into our lives to ensure we stay emotionally anchored to each other. They’re the everyday practices that signal to each other, “You matter. We matter. Even when life is full.”

And practicing rituals, even during Christmas, is something most families and couples do without even realising it - for instance:

• filling Christmas stockings

• decorating the tree

• attending a religious service

• opening one present on Christmas Eve

• lighting candles

• watching a favourite holiday movie

And these traditions work because they are predictable, meaningful, and shared. They give us structure during a chaotic time, and they strengthen the sense of “us.”

Your relationship needs the same thing - year-round, and especially when stress peaks.

Why Rituals Matter (Especially During the Holidays)

When routines crumble - kids off school, late nights, extra events, travel, visitors - couples often lose the tiny micro-moments that keep them connected. These moments are small but essential: the morning check-in, the shared cup of coffee, the end-of-day “how are you,” the quick cuddle in the kitchen.

Without these anchors, partners can start feeling:

• misunderstood

• disconnected

• less like a team

• emotionally stretched or alone

• more reactive or sensitive

Rituals of connection help you stay emotionally steady and aligned, even if the season feels overwhelming.

Applying Holiday Ritual Wisdom to Your Relationship

Just as Christmas traditions deepen connection, predictable relationship rituals do the same thing. They don’t need to be grand or time-consuming. They simply need to be shared, intentional, and consistent.

Daily Rituals

• A “good morning” or “good night” moment

• Five minutes to check in before the day kicks off

• A 7-10 second hug to regulate the nervous system

• Sharing the first cup of tea or coffee

Weekly Rituals

• A planned, screen-free check-in

• A short walk together

• Cooking a meal together, side by side

• A weekly planning moment for the holiday juggle: school break, travel, events, babysitting, work hours

Seasonal or Holiday Rituals

These rituals of connection can be especially meaningful during Christmas or other cultural or religious holidays:

• Writing each other a holiday letter

• Choosing an ornament that represents something meaningful from the year

• Having a “just us” moment before guests or family gatherings

• Sharing memories of past Christmases - joyful, painful, or mixed

• Lighting a candle for loved ones who are absent

These moments don’t remove holiday stress, or loneliness, or grief - but they offer a way to move through it together instead of separately.

How Rituals Strengthen Your Relationship Long-Term

The more rituals you build, the more secure and connected your relationship becomes. Over time, these practices create:

• trust (“You show up for me.”)

• predictability (“We know how to return to each other, even in chaos.”)

• shared meaning (“We are building something together.”)

• resilience (“We can face pressure, conflict, uncertainty, and grief - together.”)

These foundational strengths are at the core of what Gottman research continues to emphasise: small daily habits shape the health of a relationship far more than grand gestures.

A Gentle Invitation

This Christmas - amidst the wrapping paper, school holidays, family dynamics, financial pressure, mixed emotions, and memories - consider creating or revisiting a small ritual that helps you stay connected.

You don’t need to overhaul your relationship. You just need to protect the moments that remind you both: We’re here. We’re a team. We choose each other - especially now.

If a structured, supported approach to building rituals of connection would be helpful, I’m here. As a therapist trained to Gottman Level 2, I’d love to help you strengthen your relationship in ways that feel grounded, practical, and deeply human.  Darrell.

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